May 12, 2011

How to become a Gamer Chick – A Simple Guide

Step 1.  Be of the female species.  This is very important.  Sex changes do not count unless you were predisposition towards the feminine as a male.  Also, please ensure that you are homo-sapien as bovine, lupine, or any other form of mammal, avian, reptile, or plant life is unacceptable due to the lack of cognitive thought and/or opposable thumb.  Once you’ve determined if you are indeed a homosapien female, you may proceed to step 2.  If you cannot prove that you are so, then this guide will simply be humor to you rather than something of use.

Step 2.  Remember that as in all walks of life, gamer chicks can be beautiful or ugly, fat or skinny, nerdy or preppy (rare, but it happens).  It matters not to the game or those who you talk to on chat what you look like.  All that matters is how you play.  Throw aside your prejudices and play with confidence!

Step 3.  I call this step “The Baby Gamer Chick.”  If you have not gamed before, begin with something stupid simple, like Farmville.  If you cannot handle the simple task of running a pixelized farm, then you have no business sniping down the enemy.  Graduate slowly to Bejeweled Blitz and Zuma Blitz to test your adaption to speed.  Once mastered, play this game (http://members.iinet.net.au/~pontipak/redsquare.html).  Once you can go for 18 seconds, you’re ready to graduate to real games.

Step 4.  Be not ye wary of violence.  While games like Farmville and Hello Kitty Island Adventures can be the gateway, you cannot stop there.  If the concept of head shots, zombies, portals, and assassinations make you queasy, then stay at the “The Baby Gamer Chick” stage of Farmville and Bejeweled.  For those of you ready to move on to the Big Girl games, my suggestion is to play with a group of friends who know what they’re doing.  Make sure that at least one of them is willing to actually TEACH you what each button does, and then prepare to be cremated by them in the weeks following.  Do not expect mercy, and do not ask for it.  You must experience the pain of being a newbie.

Step 5.  Practice.  Alone on campaigns, with your uber leet friends, however you want as long as you are improving.  Do not stay on the easiest level possible.  Jump right in at insane mode as soon as you’ve grasped the basic game mechanics.  Don’t be afraid of failure.  Shoot failure in the face with your developing skills.  You’ll soon be kicking ass with all your friends.

Step 6.  Branch out!  The world is your playground!  FPS, MMO’s, table top games, try them all and have fun!  That is the point of being a gamer chick, after all.

Well that…and kicking guys butts in PvP.


5 comments

  1. SavedbyRockandRoll - October 6, 2011 3:30 am

    Yeah im a girl and i love gamin and i want to be better, but all i have is a wii. So i can play cool games like COD Black ops, but its hard to beat my friends because they have x-boxes and ps3s and the controls are quite different. How can i improve?

    Reply
  2. Anonymous - September 26, 2011 1:21 pm

    I’m a girl and I love gaming with my guy friends but I don’t have a Paystation at home, so I don’t get to practice and therefore make very little progress. My dad won’t by me one. How can I improve so that I can play with them properly and they don’t just play with me for stack-padding 🙂

    Reply
  3. zero_19 - May 13, 2011 11:55 am

    Lol, I should try this on my wife….She was BoP but as Ace said, I wish she had been a rare epic.

    Reply
  4. CharcoalCoyote - May 12, 2011 9:02 pm

    Okay, you know what? I’m trying this method on my girlfriend. I’ll keep you guys posted on her progress. Genius article. Also, that little square game? Play Touhou for three hours and then try it. You will rage, SO HARD. Took me five entire tries. I’m an embarrassment.

    Reply
  5. AceOfNades69 - May 12, 2011 3:00 pm

    Gamer chicks = rare epic spawn

    Reply

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